ONCE MORE, FROM THE BEGINNING

by Wendy Bertsch

Here’s a new look at the Old Testament…but this time the women’s voice gets the prominence it deserved all along. Always witty, often funny, and definitely never boring, the women’s common sense outlook puts quite a different spin on the bible stories you think you remember. Finally, take a clear look at the outrages that have been swept under the carpet for centuries and laugh at some of the nonsense that’s been hiding there as well. The men who wrote the Bible have had the field to themselves for centuries. Let’s see that ancient world through a woman’s eyes. You may be surprised!

The Bible would have been quite another book if the women had held the pens.  (approx. 62,000 words)

E-BOOK $4.95 USD; PRINT $12.95 USD

AUTHOR’S NOTE:

People constantly ask me how much of the material in this book is in The Bible itself, and how much is fabricated, for comic effect. Well, it’s all in The Bible. I have merely interpreted the motivations according to my own lights…but then, so did the men who wrote the original.

It has been suggested that it should be placed in motel rooms, in place of the Gideon Bibles, where it might help to raise the spirits of weary traveling salespeople everywhere.

EXCERPT

“If you fail to obey these laws,” Moses thundered, “God will curse you with everything from fever and burning and sword to mildew…”

“Mildew?” muttered a woman toward the back of the crowd. “Can people even get mildew?”

“Hey, don’t tempt him,” whispered her neighbour.

“Maybe he meant athlete’s foot.”

“I think we’re missing the point. Be quiet and listen.”

Moses was still listing curses: “…and scabs and itches and madness and blindness…”

“I still think that mildew thing is a mistake,” the woman went on. “He’s getting pretty old…maybe he forgot what God actually said…or maybe he heard it wrong.”

“Shut up and listen,” snapped her companion.

“But it’s important. What did The Lord actually threaten? Maybe it was something worse!”

“…and new varieties of plague that last a really long time,” Moses finished, and turned to leave.

“Hey!” shouted the woman. “Are you very sure about the mildew?”

Moses stopped, and glowered “Look, if you just do what you’re told, you won’t have to worry about it.” He walked away, muttering, “People give me a pain.”

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And here are some OUTTAKES (These are the bits that didn’t make it into the book. If you like these, you’ll love the book itself.)

REVIEWS

“…competent prose, scintillating wit, an intriguingly different perspective of biblical themes and revealing aspects of the character traits of the major players.
Irreverent but never irreligious, its acerbic approach certainly appealed to my sense of fun. An enjoyable and highly recommended read.

–Bob Davidson,  author of The Tuzla Run

“…absolutely brilliant, running monologue of a book… As a former student of the ministry myself (really), I found her humor not only a riot, but I also had to respect her scholarly approach…I also use my copy for blind, “pick-a-page, any page” style relief from moments when a dose of irreverence is absolutely needed. Once More also cries out to be performed. It would be a sold-out show anywhere people enjoy a good laugh and don’t take themselves deadly serious. While I realize the deeply religious will probably not find their inspiration between its covers, they really should. A little laughter can always clear the air when things get stagnant and ossifying.

–Richard Sutton, author of The Red Gate and The Gatekeepers

“I would recommend this for anyone with a good sense of humor — regardless of his or her religious affiliation…I’m still laughing at this book and it’s been more than a week since I read it.”

–Susan Wells Bennett, Author, An Unassigned Life

“This is a charming, delightful and downright fun take on many of the well known stories from the Old Testament. Told mainly from the perspective of the women in the stories, while never irreverent, these fresh retellings reveal a history steeped in blatant misogyny, nepotism, racism and abuse. It’s well worth the read…”

–Marc Pimbert

“In medieval times stories of Jesus’ childhood told in a merry fashion were a common commodity. Wendy Bertsch brings just that sort of humor to her retelling of Genesis. For insights into the human essence in the divine wisdom “Once More… From the Beginning” is in a class with Arthur Miller’s play “Up from Paradise.” Delightful, for the not too straight-laced.”

–Katherine Ashe, author of The Montfort Series